The Crew has met daily for 18 years

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Friends are friends, and no aggravating virus is going to mess that up … at least according to the “Crew.”

Every day, Hiott’s Pharmacy plays host to four lifelong friends who have been getting together to snack, complete a crossword puzzle, chat, tease each other and shoot the breeze. They have been doing that for 18 years.

John Hiott, who calls himself the “good Hiott,” Ron Ordel, Ted Parker and Moultrie Plowden enjoy their morning gab session at Hiott’s snack bar.

Parker, who is 85, retired from Parker Rhoden Funeral Home and now does what he calls “absolutely nothing.” Don’t print anything in the newspaper about us,” he quipped. “My wife doesn’t know I’m here!”

Laughing, all of his friends begin teasing him and the hilarity increases. A morning with these four characters goes something like this:

PARKER: I have been coming to Hiott’s Pharmacy since 1938, when it first opened. Now, we come here every day except Sundays.

HIOTT: That shows you what kind of exciting life we live.

ORDEL: Well, in 1938 Parker was 15 years old!

PARKER: I was not! (He makes a derogatory hand gesture at Ordel). Anyway, when people ask us what we do, we just say we come to Hiott’s Pharmacy.

HIOTT: Ted and I used to come to the pharmacy when we were teenagers because the girls who worked the snack bar were good looking.

PARKER: Yes, they sure were.

The men banter a little more, inserting comments and phrases that only have meaning to the friends. They finish each other’s sentences and interrupt to good-naturedly throw in a few insults, while Plowden, a retired hospital administrator, stoically works a crossword puzzle.

PARKER: That COVID virus is something else.

HIOTT: Yep. But we still get together here, masks and all.

PARKER: This keeps us slightly sane.

HIOTT: And the longer we stay here, the thicker our skin gets.

PARKER: That’s a long time. John and I have been friends all of our lives. Moultrie and I met when I went to Darlington Prep School in Rome, Ga. I was 16 years old when I met Moultrie. We’ve been friends ever since.

PLOWDEN: And I moved to Walterboro in spite of him living here.

PARKER: I thought I had gotten rid of him, but here he is.

PLOWDEN: I’ll tell you about Ted. The headmaster at Darlington Prep School called and Ted answered the phone. The headmaster said he wanted to speak to Ted’s dad. Ted said his parents were out of town. The headmaster hung up and Ted breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to go to the prep school. Later that morning, Ted went to his dad’s office and there was the headmaster. He turned and winked at Ted.

PARKER: And every time I saw him on campus after that, he would wink at me. Well, now I have to tell a story about Moultrie. He tried out for the choir at school. I was standing right there by him when he tried out. The choir director listened to him and then came up to him and said, “Moultrie, I think you had better stick with sports.” True story!

PLOWDEN: That’s true and that’s what I did. I stuck to sports.

PARKER: It was a good school and I didn’t appreciate it until I was gone from there. I was 16 and my dad put me on the train in August and said he would see me at Christmas. But it was a wonderful experience and I made lifelong friends like Moultrie. It’s a good thing since we are all mentally challenged, but I’m not as bad as he is (pointing to Ordel.)

HIOTT: You’ve heard of a child progeny? He was a child tragedy.

PARKER: That’s saying the least.

The crew continue in this way for several minutes. When asked if they stayed until lunch time every day, they answered humorously.

ORDEL: No, it’s almost time to go. We get here about 10 every morning and leave about 11:30 … not quite lunch time.

HIOTT: Yes, and the rest of the crew doesn’t come anymore … they are out at Live Oak Cemetery. Our crew gets thinner all the time.

PARKER: I’m getting scared. And there is nothing new to talk about.

PLOWDEN: Well you keep telling the same stories over and over again.

HIOTT: We forget, so the stories are new to the person telling them.

ORDEL: And we add to the old stories so they seem like new.

The men quite down a little and begin to talk about COVID.

PARKER: I’ve never seen anything like this.

HIOTT: Not in my lifetime.

ORDEL: Polio was a big issue then, but still it was nothing like this.

A friend comes into the pharmacy wearing a Citadel shirt and the ribbing starts all over again.

PARKER: Hey, I was at The Citadel for almost a whole quarter. I got out of there quick.

PLOWDEN: I’m surprised he made it that long.

PARKER: Well, anyway, we did all serve in the army. We were all drafted except for Moultrie.

PLOWDEN: I volunteered for the draft during the cold war.

ORDEL: I remember that Parker once asked the captain, “Sir, when will you send me overseas?” The captain said, “Just as soon as they invade this country.”

HIOTT: I went overseas to install radio systems during Vietnam. As soon as we got done and got out, the shooting started.

PARKER: You dodged that bullet.

HIOTT: Came home, went to work and now I’m retired. But I can’t say from what.

ORDEL: He was number one in the number two business.

HIOTT: I’d rather talk about my military career. I was in Thailand and discovered that the best-looking woman I ever saw was a man.

ORDEL: I don’t believe I would have told anyone about that.

HIOTT: That’s when I decided to come home.

PARKER: Let’s be sure to put that in The Press and Standard newspaper.

HIOTT: Okay, but put the other John Hiott’s name on it.

They all laughed and started talking about aches and pains.

PARKER: I retired from the funeral business with a bad back.

HIOTT: That was from chasing women.

PARKER: No, it was from pulling on the rope to haul the deceased to another floor. My dad went on vacation and when he came back, I had installed an elevator that used electricity. My dad had a fit and said I was going to break him financially. I said that he wasn’t the one pulling the rope!

ORDEL: Typical kid.

HIOTT: I think all kids should have to enter the military for a short time. Then we wouldn’t have all the rioting and kids out of control like they do nowadays.

PARKER: You are so right. I think it ought to be mandatory.

They all agreed — then Parker realized the time.

PARKER: Well, it’s time to go. We have solved the world’s problems.

ORDEL: Once again.

The crew stood up said goodbye to the pharmacy employees and left … until tomorrow.