English as a second language and other thoughts | Opinion | The Press and Standard

by | November 19, 2016 5:00 pm

Last Updated: November 16, 2016 at 2:26 pm

I sometimes think about teaching ESL, English as a Second Language. I have an English degree and a love of words. Then I found this in a random Google search for “teaching English.” So, maybe not….
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he’d get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
8) A bass was painted on the bass guitar.
9) He picked the right time to present the special present.
10) I didn’t object to the object.
11) She took a bow with a bow in her hair.
12) The insurance was invalid for the invalid widow.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) In bad weather, he couldn’t decide whether to grab the oar, or let it go.

On another subject:
Sleep is universal. We all need it to survive. I’d rather sleep than eat, and that’s saying something.
Before Widdle, I lived alone for eight years and often hit the sack at 9 p.m. I LOVED crawling into a soft bed with a good book. I read a lot of Larry McMurtry during those years, and you’ll never finish “Lonesome Dove” by logging 20 minutes here and there. So I’d go to bed and read for about two hours, then sleep a solid eight and wake up raring to go.
Widdle is more of a night owl, and I’ve taken up his ways. I now routinely stay up past midnight, then read in bed until my sleeping pill kicks in. The problem is that when my alarm rings at 7 a.m. or earlier, I have to be dragged snarling from bed.
Part of the issue is that Widdle and I turn our bed into a battleground. I snore, he flails. He snores, I punch. He then rolls over and squashes me flat. I didn’t realize sharing a bed could be so exhausting.
Here are some couple’s sleep patterns decoded, from The Daily Mail:
 Lover’s knot: If you sleep face to face, legs intertwined, as a couple you’re independent, intimate, and sexually active. (If you like inhaling your partner’s exhaled breath, have at it.)
 Spoon, man inside: He’s in need of love and care. Spoon, woman inside: The man is protective and loving of her. (OK, spooning makes us both claustrophobic, and sucking in your stomach is hard in bed. You know what I’m saying.)
 Cherish: Sleeping back-to-back means your relationship is comfortable, intimate and completely relaxed. (You know what makes me completely relaxed? Wine before bed.)
 Liberty: If you sleep back-to-back without touching, it means you’re connected but still independent. (No, it means you fell asleep reading and he nodded off watching “Madame Secretary.”)
 Cliff hanger: If you sleep on opposite sides of the bed, you might be distant emotionally. (Or one of you is lying in a pool of sweat after a 20-minute hot flash.)
 Pillow talk: If you sleep face-to-face without touching, you need more conversation and contact in your relationship. (Or you could have fallen asleep in mid-argument, like some people I know.)
 Hollywood: When the man sleeps on his back with the woman’s head on his chest, the relationship has recently begun. (It’s called “Hollywood” because this ONLY happens in movies.)

(Julie R. Smith, who’s considering a king-size bed, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.)

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