Random thoughts | Column

by | February 16, 2019 5:00 pm

Last Updated: February 13, 2019 at 10:06 am

Random thoughts while folding the fourth load of laundry in two days:

  • Yes, I know some households blow through five loads a day, but we have no children at home, no sports uniforms, no multiple beds to strip… so whither all this laundry? Someone needs to start using towels, and it’s not me.
  • Too often, grilled salmon doesn’t taste like you think it will, even if it’s wild-caught and skinless. Pescatarians, beware.
  • My eyes water so much in the morning, I have to mop them with Kleenex before applying makeup. First-world problems. Also, aging stinks.
  • Some parents shouldn’t even be allowed to own a hamster. You know who you are. (In fairness, most moms and dads are doing their best.)
  • Food hangovers are real, and they hurt.
  • If we treated our Bibles like we treated our cell phones—never leave home without them, keep them in our hands 24/7 look to them for answers and directions—maybe we’d be a little bit better off as a society.
  • You’re never too old to blast your playlist when cruising down a two-lane blacktop. Bluetooth rules.
  • We jumped on the Instant Pot wagon, but you need a degree from MIT to even turn it on. So many panels and buttons!
  • I just found out newer-model vehicles have HEATED STEERING WHEELS. What kind of sorcery is this? I’m still waiting to get one with heated seats.
  • Something is wrong with a country whose armed forces have to rely on Blessing Boxes and church pantries for food.
  • Why do some doctors ask patients to fill out a slew of paperwork every year? Last month I juggled a clipboard, pen, sheaf of papers, insurance cards, driver’s license and a copy of my husband’s social security card in a lobby packed with strangers, to provide information that hasn’t changed in a dozen years. Why can’t you just check a box that says, “Nope, I’m good”?
  • Do you ever feel like somehow you’ve missed the whole point?
  • No good deed goes unpunished, but no good intention goes unrewarded. I totally believe this.
  • Why can some people can take a 30-minute nap and wake up refreshed and alert, while other people (like moi), take that same nap and wake up disoriented and teary?
  • Most of us eat too much. Never miss a chance to miss a meal.
  • I admire women who dye their hair red. They’re making a statement, and I don’t need to understand it. Go, gurrl.
  • Fleece is a winter runner’s best friend.
  • The latest trend in dying: People selecting music they want to hear on their deathbeds. Assuming we can still hear—and many studies show it’s the last sense to go—I’m sure some will go tongue-in-cheek and pick Don Henley’s “Get Over It,” or “The End” by the Doors. I’d opt for “Shambala” by Three Dog Night. It’s joyous and hopeful; there are worse ways to leave the world. (I actually put together a playlist for my post-funeral reception—hymns, praise music and Imagine Dragons for fun.)
  • A bearded man without a mustache always makes me blink.
  • It is entirely possible to have wrinkles, eye bags and acne at the same time. Ask me how I know.
  • If you can’t have a pet, you can always sponsor one at your local humane society. By waiving an adoption fee or paying for spaying, you do a good deed without risking accidents on your favorite rug. Win-win!
  • Pick up the phone when your mother calls. You’re not that busy.

Julie R. Smith, who frequently misses the point entirely, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.

 

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