The longer I live … | Column
by The Press and Standard | November 3, 2018 5:00 pm
Last Updated: November 2, 2018 at 8:54 am
The longer I live, the more I believe that people are 1) good, and 2) crazy. You can be good without being crazy, of course, and crazy without being good, but sometimes crazy wins. Do you doubt? Read on…
• A Colleton County teen shot his cousin, 17, over a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips, according to The Post & Courier. (I might shoot you over Tostito’s spinach dip, but not for chips. Not even for Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.) Ryan D. Langdale, 19, faces a triple crown of charges, including obstruction of justice, for claiming his cousin dropped the gun while cleaning it. Cuz backed up his claim before undergoing life-saving surgery, proving that blood is thicker than brains. When Cuz woke up a week later (a week!) he admitted that Langdale had shot him after warning him not to touch his bag of chips. (Thus giving new meaning to, “All that and a bag of chips.”) Langdale faces an attempted murder charge.
• Granny don’t play: A 75-year-old Minneapolis woman shot her grandson in the leg when he refused to use a coaster for his iced tea glass. The boy told police his grandmother poured out his iced tea when he flouted her rule. Then she fetched her .38 special and returned to the living room, where the kid—to his everlasting regret—had placed another glass of tea on her table. “[Helen] Washington allegedly pulled out the gun and shot her grandson in the leg,” according to local news reports. Police arrested Washington, who “told them she did not think she should be jailed.” She has a court-appointed attorney.
• A man in Virginia is charged with stealing 20 shoes from a store called Clean Soles. Not 20 PAIRS of shoes, 20 right-foot shoes. The Roanoke Times reported that when police arrested Manuel Carlos Ramirez-Godoy, 21, he was carrying seven right-foot Nike Air Jordans and a sweatshirt printed with the words, “Call My Lawyer.” Found behind the store were a cash register, the suspect’s student ID and a backpack containing merch valued at $5,000. It’s unclear why he stole only right-foot shoes, or if he understands irony.
• An American Airlines passenger pulled a Jack Palance last week, when he started performing pullups on an overhead bin. Witnesses on the Arizona flight bound for Boston said the man appeared drunk when he boarded, and when someone made a joke about an overhead bin, “He actually grabbed on to it and started doing pull-ups on the plane in front of everybody.” He later became verbally abusive to a flight attendant, resulting in an unscheduled landing in Kansas City, where he was removed by local law enforcement. The plane arrived in Boston 90 minutes late.
• Mom of the Year: An Ohio mom faces child endangerment charges after allegedly allowing a 16-year-old to give her 10-year-old son a tattoo. Nikki Dickinson, 34, is charged with misdemeanor child endangering and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Kyle Richardson, the teen tattoo artist, was charged with violating tattooing prohibitions. The escapade came to light–how else?—when Mom posted a live video on Facebook. Viewers immediately called the law. “The phones have not stopped ringing,” a police spokesman said. Dickinson’s own grandmother said, “She needs to go to jail.” According to The Smoking Gun, Dickinson told police she got tired of her son “always asking” for a tattoo “and just decided to give in to him.” Let’s be glad he didn’t ask her for a flame-thrower.
Julie R. Smith, who misses the crime beat, can be reached at email@example.com.